- Now your baby should be crying less and smiling more! When I look back at my pictures from this time, my oldest was ALWAYS smiling. Take lots of pictures!
- Baby still doesn't know that when they can't see you, you are still there. This separation anxiety will be a major source of their tears. It's so important to continue to develop their trust.
- They are beginning to speak and will babble. Acknowledge and/or repeat everything your baby "says". This encourages language development! They learn the sound they made is important and to practice it, and they learn that you listen when they talk. Talk to your baby all of the time, with everything you are doing. Read to them - it's a good time to form a bedtime routine that includes winding down with a bath then reading books before bed.
- Your baby is developing a rhythm and may cry at the same time every night. This is good and normal. Respond to them when they cry. Even if you choose to "sleep train", it's important to their mental health that you still respond when they cry.
- Grasping and chewing develop their muscles and help them explore the world around them. If it's not safe to go in their mouth, keep it up and out of their area. It is your responsibility to childproof and endlessly supervise.
- Your baby knows nothing about danger. They cannot be taught that something is dangerous yet. Again, childproof the areas your baby visits. Remove unsafe furniture/lamps.
- Your baby is ready for solid foods! I recommend Baby Led Weaning. Purees were actually created to give babies solids before they were ready - there is no reason why your child can't eat whole food in appropriate textures and sizes. Think french-fry size pieces. Check out The Baby Led Weaning Cookbook, which fully explains how and why to do it AND includes recipes. Remember that breast milk/formula should still be their PRIMARY source of nutrition at this stage... offer it first.
- Your baby is going to start sitting, crawling, and cruising! Some babies even walk in this stage. Our oldest cruised for months and months - until we had tubes put in her ears for repeated ear infections - then she took off walking.
- If your child is in daycare, it's important that they are being actively engaged and not just supervised with toys. They should be read to, do art projects, listen to music, dance, make noise, etc. Carefully evaluate your provider to make sure they are the best choice for your family. We moved to a Montessori and had a much better experience.
Common Culprits:
- Teething: Teething pain is often worse in the evening. The child may develop a low-grade fever. You can soothe with a cold washcloth, teething toys (Sophie is a popular choice), and Tylenol (ask your Pediatrician for dosing information). Some parents have luck with teething tablets, but most pediatricians do not recommend them. Teething can wake your child at night, cause them to refuse to nurse, and cause drooling. Teething babies can be especially irritable.
- Illness: The worst part of parenthood is having a sick child but not really knowing how sick they are. Call your doctor/go to the ER for any fevers over 100.4. Treat with a humidifier, Tylenol, aspirate their nose, saline spray or drops, and any medications your doctor prescribes. Remember how miserable you are when you are sick - let them rest and give LOTS of snuggles. Invest in a ring sling or carrier you prefer to give them the extra snuggles they need. A lot of parents avoid picking up illness by using Airborne at the first sign of symptoms (check with your doctor if you are pregnant or nursing). If your child is in daycare, they WILL get sick, and often. Watch out for repeated ear infections, which usually announce themselves by an absolute refusal to being laid flat. Give probiotics any time they are on antibiotics to avoid a c. diff infection. Don't be afraid to get tubes in their ears upon ENT recommendation - it can be life-changing!
- Something wrapped around a finger/toe or other clothing issue: If your baby is crying, one of the first things you can do is carefully inspect each finger and toe to make sure there isn't something such as a hair tightly wrapped around the skin.
- Diaper Rash/Yeast Infection: Look for red and irritated skin or crying while peeing or pooping. In really bad cases (such as with a c. diff infection) you may need to utilize a shower head to avoid wiping and further irritating the area. In milder cases, you can rinse wipes with water before using them. Pinxav is a great barrier cream as it contains clove oil which can help with pain relief. Desitin is another good cream, and don't hesitate to call your doctor for a more power barrier if needed, as they can prescribe them. Go diaper-free as much as possible. Also watch for a reaction to certain diaper brands.
- Sleep: Babies need a lot of sleep! The Baby Sleep Site is a great resource and has sample schedules for every age here. Generally your baby should be waking in the morning and going to sleep at night around the same time (up at 7AM and down at 7PM). Invest in a warm air humidifier (in a safe location), a white noise machine, a projector, or a night light as needed. Make sure baby sleeps in a safe location alone (or practice safe co-sleeping habits) that includes a mesh bumper, no blankets, a sleep sack, swaddling, etc. If your baby is rolling, stop swaddling. It is recommended that you use a ceiling fan and a pacifier to help reduce the risk of SIDS. Munchkin makes a great white noise/projector for around $20 that plugs in and can play all night. Also make sure that your child doesn't have a sleep crutch: remember that everything they fall asleep with they will want through the night. So, if they fall asleep drinking a bottle, any time they wake they will want a bottle. Try to nurture good sleeping habits by ending a feed while the baby is still awake but drowsy and encouraging them to fall asleep on their own. For night wakings, sometimes not picking them up but soothing them while they are in the crib works (rub their back, bounce the mattress). Please note that when I started this, my oldest stopped nursing, so be prepared for that. Remember that is extremely important that you respond to crying, always. Generally I would wait a bit if it was just fussing, but you can tell right away if it escalates beyond that and should respond.
- Cut out the Dairy: Whether you are breastfeeding or using formula, a very common culprit of pain, aka Colic, is dairy. We are just not designed to drink cow's milk and, per Dr. McDougall, it actually causes the intestines to bleed. If you are breastfeeding, it can take two weeks to get all of the dairy out of your system once you stop it. If you are using formula, make sure you are using one without casein. Similac Isomil is an example of a soy formula. Soy is perfectly safe and can actually work as a hormone regulator. It does not contain estrogen like cow's milk does. Some babies are also allergic to soy as well and there are formulas for those babies but they are pricey. If you are at the 6 month mark, you may try to work with your doctor to see if you can provide enough nutrition with solids. I recommend Baby Led Weaning.
- Hunger: Make sure you are sending enough milk/food to daycare. If you are breastfeeding, follow weight gain guidelines to be sure you are producing enough. You may need to supplement or move to formula and there is NO SHAME in that - all that matters is that you feed your baby, it doesn't matter how. Don't be afraid to send solid foods now! See my note above about Baby Led Weaning.
- Gas: You can use simethicone drops or products like Colic Calm if you suspect your baby has gas. Also try exercises like pumping their legs. Some babies also benefit from regular use of a probiotic, and some formulas include them.
- Separation Anxiety: Peek-a-boo is such a fun game at this age! When you really leave, though, baby thinks you are gone forever and never coming back. Be sure to build their trust by responding when they are upset so they know that even if you aren't there you or their caregiver will respond to their needs.
Also, sing to your baby. It calms them down faster than anything you say. Play music for them, especially in the car. A lot of babies enjoy having a mirror to look at, a soft toy to play with, and music to listen to while in the car (such as a Disney CD).
Behavior Shaping:
- Positive/Neutral Response: Baby is going to look to you for attention for every action they take. It is extremely important to start the Positive/Neutral Response method now. This means anytime their behavior is IDEAL, your response should be POSITIVE. Over.The.Top. positive!! Heavily praise good behavior and try very hard to recognize it often. Anytime their behavior is NOT IDEAL, your response should be NEUTRAL. Basically, you should have a non-response. They are looking for attention. Don't laugh, yell, shout "No!", etc. You may have to pick up a sippy cup a thousand times or remove it from their reach. Ask them to hand it to you instead and heavily praise that ideal behavior.
- Biting/Aggression: We're still a little early for this one, but if you notice that baby is frustrated, you should be intervening before it escalates. This could be with another child or with your family pet. Acknowledge their emotions, explain the situation, and ask them for the ideal behavior. "We only use gentle touches." If the behavior continues, physically remove them from the situation and say "I'm sorry, I can't allow you to XYZ." Then immediately move on to another activity. If you have issues over a toy, it is not normal to expect anyone to give up something they have. The original toy owner should be allowed to continue playing with their toy and the child wanting the toy should be redirected. Your kids are too young to share or play with other kids at this age, but they may parallel play along side them.
- Distract/Redirect: The major skill starting now is to learn how to distract and redirect. Don't make a big deal about anything but the new and improved activity/thing you are going to direct their attention to. Sometimes food is a good distraction, this is why often food starts the day when you're dropping your kid off to their caregivers.
- Connect and Respect: Please do me a favor. Please read The Conscious Parent right now. In it, Dr. Shefali eloquently reminds us that our children are unique souls, "throbbing with their own signature", that are here to raise US. They deserve respect from day one. Ask your baby before you change their diaper. Tell them what you are doing. Talk to them about what you are doing. Love on them and be affectionate with them.
- Recognize When You Are Being Triggered: Our kids can easily trigger our ego into a state of fear which leads to anger. Most often with kids, this is when we feel we are not in control. However, you don't always have to be in control. Set minimal rules in your house that relate to their health and well-being. Physically remove them from the situation if they are going to break one of these rules (running into the street, touching a hot stove). Beyond that you should be letting your kids experience natural consequences and educating them about WHY we don't do certain behaviors. Pick your battles. Let bedtime go on and on and on. Be in the moment with your children. There is plenty more on this The Conscious Parent.
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